A Communication Model, and so much more…

 

 

If you've had any NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) training, you will recognise this model.  It’s the NLP communication model, but I’ve used it to great effect in a number of different scenarios.

(Disclaimer – this is VERY much a short outline rather than a full run down.  There are volumes dedicated to this model, so I can only cover a brief outline in a few hundred words!)

The model explains the process that occurs when we experience an external input.  This is often interaction in the form of communication, but it can be a range of inputs, events or stimuli.  Over the course of a day we receive far more information that we can reasonably process, so our mind filters these inputs.

This filtration process has three elements, delete, distort, and generalise.  Some inputs get deleted because they are not necessary.  Imagine being in a coffee shop and reading a book.  Our mind deletes many inputs so we can concentrate.  However, if someone drops a tray of cups, we get shaken out of this as the mind wants us to check it’s not a threat or problem.  Similarly, we all tend to have a particular world view of what we think is correct.  If inputs contradict this our mind will often distort these inputs to fit our pre-conceptions.  Lastly, because we receive more inputs than we can process, the mind tends to chunk or group these to make them more digestible.

We each have a different filter, and this is developed over time and through our life experience.  It’s shaped by our language, memories, attitudes, values, beliefs, and previous decisions (and their outcomes).

Let’s put this into a communication context.  Imagine we are at work in a meeting, and someone puts a point of view across in a forceful way which we disagree with.  We filter this and create an internal representation of what this means.  We might see this as something we disagree with, but we will also create a representation of the message sender based on our previous experience of them, and we will add in our perspective on their drive, motivation and intention, to create this internal representation.

The internal representation we create for ourselves generates a state within us and an emotional response.  This in turn affects our physiology.  We might relax or tense up depending on the message, the sender and our interpretation.  Let’s stick with a message we disagree with, so our physiology becomes tense, fight or flight.  This then affects our behaviour.  We might shut down and avoid the potential conflict, or we might cut in, raise our voice, and engage in an argument.

This is quite a detailed process for what might just have been a comment in a meeting.  But understanding this model helps us to unpick the process.  Why am I reacting the way that I am?  Is it down to my filters?  Are they accurate?  Are they helpful?  Is the representation I have created a reasonable one?  Am I comfortable with the sate I’ve generated? Is my behaviour appropriate?

When we understand the process we go through when we react to communications, and indeed any kind of input, then we give ourselves options and choices over how we respond.  This can be used in a range of situations to helps us create a deeper understanding of why we are reacting in a particular way, and it enables us to consider changing our response.  It helps us analyse the situation and the process, and can take the heat out of an emotional reaction.  I’ll pick this up again in the next article when we’ll look at a particular element of emotional intelligence, the Amygdala Highjack.

 

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